On the 17th of July 2014, a plane was shot down over Eastern Ukraine. On board were my former pupil and precious friend Shaka Panduwinata and his younger brother Miguel. A month later, on 18th of August, we held a memorial service at the International School Almere for them. This was my contribution.
When I was asked
to say a few words about Shaka, I thought to myself: what can I possibly say
that everybody doesn’t already know? We have all heard the stories, what use
could there be in repeating them? We are all here because we knew Shaka, we are
here because we loved him. What can possibly be said?
But then I thought
again. It doesn’t matter if I tell you what you already know. We need to
remember, to remind ourselves, over and over again of this young man’s life.
Because it is impossible, absolutely impossible for us to say goodbye to our
Shaka.
Shaka came into
our lives gently, like a soft melody or a subtle fragrance. When I first met
him, Shaka was struggling. He was struggling with his school work, he was
uncertain about his identity, and, to make matters worse, some students teased
him because of this. He tried to deny that he had doubts about his sexuality,
even to himself. I talked to him quite a lot during that time and said to him:
“You don’t have to decide now. When you fall in love you will know; you will
see whether it’s a girl or a boy you’ve fallen in love with. It doesn’t matter.
Love is love.” He seemed relieved at this. He repaid me by cooking me a meal
from time to time, because he knew I often didn’t get round to it after work.
That sensitivity, that generosity was typical for Shaka.
In front of our
eyes, we saw Shaka transform. He worked extremely hard, with great dedication
and determination to get his diploma. People started to notice, and become
impressed with this gentle boy, who suddenly seemed to be able to muster up an
impressive amount of steel and staying power. And it wasn’t just his schoolwork
that impressed us. He went on a health regime and lost a lot of weight. He was
starting to blossom, really come into his own.
We all have our
favourite memories. He was a joy to have in class. Especially in Theory of
Knowledge he turned out to be quite a philosopher. But where I would be perhaps
a bit paranoid about the way the world is going, he would adopt a more
optimistic outlook. This is perhaps my most precious memory of Shaka. After the
very last IB exam, we had our prom night in Amsterdam and Shaka had chosen that
day to officially come out of the closet. To celebrate his coming out, as well
as the end of his secondary school career, he wanted to go to a gay-friendly
bar that evening. But he was too shy and he had no idea where to go, so he asked
me to chaperone, which I gladly did. Some people though this was a bad idea,
but now I am so grateful that I spent those precious and fun hours with him and
two other students. It was an honour to be part of that
special moment in his life and I will treasure it forever. There is a lesson in
this for all of us: to do the right thing when the opportunity arises, because
you may not get a second chance.
Some people say
that everything happens for a reason. This is true. In this case, the reason
was that some stupid people were fighting a stupid war and, presumably, made a
stupid mistake. And we have every right to be outraged, to feel hate and
vengeance towards those who did this. But then I think of Shaka, who didn’t
hate anyone, not even the people who bullied him. He didn’t retaliate. The only
way he retaliated was by becoming more and more himself: a beautiful, warm,
sensitive, intelligent young man, who also happened to be an excellent cook and
possessed masses of creativity, which he expressed in music and painting. The
only way to combat evil is to make energetic progress in the good. Shaka
understood this. And so his enemies turned into friends, even admirers.
In Indonesia,
there is the belief that 40 days before they die, people start leaving little
hints and signals. It would seem that there were a lot of signs, - a purple
shirt, a text message, a premonition - but we can only see them in hindsight.
There are also people who believe that the departed stay with us for 40 days
before moving on to a higher level. If this is true, then Shaka and Miguel are
still with us for another week. If they are, I would ask them to help the
family – I cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling and wish you all the
strength and love in the world - , and to help the friends, and all of us, to
cope with this tremendous loss. If their spirits are here, which I do believe,
I hope they can feel how much they are loved.
Shaka and Miguel
were just beginning. Shaka was happy in his new school and confident about his
career choice. The world was opening up to him. There was a chance of an
internship in Scotland, and who knows what might have followed after? He had
just had his first kiss. It is incomprehensible that this life, and that of his
younger brother, was nipped in the bud, never allowed to fully blossom. But the
spirit is larger than the human body. It can fly where we can’t see. And who
knows what the spirit can do?
Shaka, Miguel, you
will live in our hearts forever.
Shaka, Miguel, you
are everywhere now.
