The Days of Lockdown - day 15

31 March

Day 15 – Lethargy

This week, I’ve not felt very motivated to get out of bed, plonk myself in front of the computer screen and throw some motivational blahblah at my students. The students themselves also seem to lack enthusiasm, umph, joie-de-vivre. I’ve been putting off writing this blog for a couple of days, because do my 11 readers really care? Yes, if you’re reading this, you make up 9% of my readership, so my deepest gratitude to you for taking the time! But then, I remind myself that I am writing this lockdown journal mostly for myself, to keep sane, to keep track, like marking lines on a prison wall. This is the stage of lockdown I knew would come, but was least looking forward to: lethargy.

The students and I do a choreographed dance. We all know the moves; we’ve rehearsed them beforehand. We take all the steps, but with minimal effort, to create a sloppy version of normalcy. We all know that none of this matters. Is it really important to analyse the imagery in the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet? Of course not, but most of us play the game, do the dance, because we’re not sure what else to do. This is the dangerous stage.

Lethargy can turn to apathy and grow into depression. What to do? The ‘normal’ school stuff just won’t do anymore. In this, I see a glimmer of hope. The kids were most animated when we were simply engaging in conversation, talking about what things might come. Tonight, the PM announced that the measures will remain in place until at least the end of April, maybe longer. That’s four more weeks of ‘Distant Learning’. I’m going to have to come up with something helpful, something these youngsters might find useful in their current situation, something communal, something fun.  

Many nights during this lockdown, I look up through my roof window and see stars. When was the last time we could see so many stars in this city? I lie very still and try to tune in to the hum of the universe. What is it telling us? I feel there is an answer stirring deep inside me, but I can’t catch it yet. If I find it, my dear 11 readers, you will be the first to know!