The Days of Lockdown - week 5

The Days of Lockdown – week 5

12 April 2020 - Snoozing

Today is Easter, the day of the Resurrection. The Lord may have risen, but we have not. We are still in limbo, awaiting judgment. We are neither here nor there, so to speak. We are not fully awake to what’s going on or what’s going to happen. We are snoozing.

After four weeks, we know the drill: wash hands, keep distance, don’t meet up. We don’t have to think about it too much anymore. Slowly we are becoming accustomed to this ‘new normal’. We still follow the news, but not as frantically: we doze off in the middle of another avalanche of numbers, knowing there will be more tomorrow.

We literally hit the snooze button. Working from home, or not working, means we can get out of bed later – something that has improved the quality of life of this night owl immensely, by the way. We can sleep a little longer, though there are reports of people having more nightmares and vivid dreams. When the world stands still, every movement stands out.

Facebook has an option where you can ‘snooze’ someone for 30 days, meaning you don’t see any of their posts unless you go looking for them. I have found myself increasingly making use of this possibility to fend off the madness of those who can’t slumber in the status quo. They post ever more frantic and outlandish conspiracy theories in which lizards from outer space have invented 5G to give us all corona and control us through microchips implanted by über-overlord Bill Gates. These days we discover what helps and what hinders us, who are our kindred spirits and whose ways of thinking seem sheer insanity.  

In this subdued state, this quiet time, we can consider ourselves and the world around us. We may not be able to act, but we can observe and see all that is wrong and right around us. That’s why this time is an opportunity to become truly awake, if we dare to take it. Still, good and bad signs abound in equal numbers, so the jury is still out and in limbo we remain.

Looking back at some astrological forecasts, which I generally tend to take with a pinch of salt, it is almost shocking to see how accurate they were. This year and the next are supposed to constitute radical change. The first half of 2020 would be relatively peaceful – the quiet before the storm, as we are experiencing now in this sleepy state. The second half will be a rude awakening, as we will be faced with the consequences of this interval.

What and who will still be standing? How will positions of power have changed? Will friends still be friends and enemies still be enemies? I think we will look back on this period with nostalgia. Walking along the quiet canals under an incredibly clear blue sky, going for midnight strolls with the stars overhead, meeting friends in the middle of the week, sitting together at 1.5 meters distance. These will be the good old days - at least, for those of us privileged enough to be able to afford social distancing.

So, let’s take this opportunity to snooze, to rest, to slumber, to dream and to imagine. And when things have become clear, we will wake up and see who is ready for the resurrection. 

The Days of Lockdown - Day 17

2 April 2020

Day 17 – Grounded

Here we all are, at home, most likely in front of a screen, at some undefined time of the day and we’re not supposed to go out. We’re grounded. Because we’ve been bad - or so some people say. We’ve been neglecting our duties; we’ve been shirking our responsibilities and now we have to stay put. We’ve been messing up the very ground we walk on, we’ve run the climate, nature, our own physical and mental wellbeing into the ground. Our plane has been literally and figuratively grounded; our ship has run aground.

OK, I’m sure you get the picture (while perhaps also wondering whether I wrote all this without the use of a thesaurus). Everything has ground to a halt. So, what’s the best way forward? Ah, there is none. Well, maybe one: becoming grounded. Wait, what? Yes, grounded. As in the sense of being sensible, down-to-earth (seriously, did she use a thesaurus?). While our heads are spinning with incessant Covid updates and frustrations are rising, this is a perfect moment to get grounded. To feel the earth beneath our feet, to breathe slowly, in a more natural rhythm, and listen, really listen. We’ve not had time for this, but now we do!  

Today, I gained some ground in this area by getting my hands into the ground (I know, I’ll stop soon, I promise). I got some little pots and bags of dirt, some seeds and natural fertilizer and planted some vegetables, which I hope to nurse in my windowsill and grow on my balcony. Getting one’s hands dirty is such a calming thing to do. Every day I will check to see whether the soil is still moist enough, whether there are any signs of tiny stalks shooting up from the earth. It will be a slow process, just like it will be a slow process to get out of this corona crisis. Hopefully, by the time the outbreak is over, and we can break out of our confinement, the plants will be big and strong and so will we.

We will be like Maximus, grabbing some dirt and rubbing it in our hands, getting ready to face our challenges. We will kiss the ground of our new-found, new-invented land. And hopefully, we’ll be more down-to-earth about what we can and cannot, should and should not do. Ah, I see my head is still in the clouds: I need more grounding! 

Today's installment is dedicated to Jade Wah'oo Grigori for his inspiring cup of tea!

The Days of Lockdown - day 15

31 March

Day 15 – Lethargy

This week, I’ve not felt very motivated to get out of bed, plonk myself in front of the computer screen and throw some motivational blahblah at my students. The students themselves also seem to lack enthusiasm, umph, joie-de-vivre. I’ve been putting off writing this blog for a couple of days, because do my 11 readers really care? Yes, if you’re reading this, you make up 9% of my readership, so my deepest gratitude to you for taking the time! But then, I remind myself that I am writing this lockdown journal mostly for myself, to keep sane, to keep track, like marking lines on a prison wall. This is the stage of lockdown I knew would come, but was least looking forward to: lethargy.

The students and I do a choreographed dance. We all know the moves; we’ve rehearsed them beforehand. We take all the steps, but with minimal effort, to create a sloppy version of normalcy. We all know that none of this matters. Is it really important to analyse the imagery in the balcony scene from Romeo & Juliet? Of course not, but most of us play the game, do the dance, because we’re not sure what else to do. This is the dangerous stage.

Lethargy can turn to apathy and grow into depression. What to do? The ‘normal’ school stuff just won’t do anymore. In this, I see a glimmer of hope. The kids were most animated when we were simply engaging in conversation, talking about what things might come. Tonight, the PM announced that the measures will remain in place until at least the end of April, maybe longer. That’s four more weeks of ‘Distant Learning’. I’m going to have to come up with something helpful, something these youngsters might find useful in their current situation, something communal, something fun.  

Many nights during this lockdown, I look up through my roof window and see stars. When was the last time we could see so many stars in this city? I lie very still and try to tune in to the hum of the universe. What is it telling us? I feel there is an answer stirring deep inside me, but I can’t catch it yet. If I find it, my dear 11 readers, you will be the first to know!

The Days of Lockdown - a tale of our times. week 2

27 March

Day 12 of lockdown – the art of boredom

This weekend is apparently a crucial one when it comes to the spread of the virus, so Minister Grapperhaus (yes, that’s a name) has implored us to really stay at home the coming days. “Yes, your weekend may be more boring than other times,” he said, “but there are other things you can do, like have a good conversation, read a book, turn on Netflix.” I thought it was interesting that he mentioned these things in that particular order. He, like me, grew up in the days before internet, before mobile phones, before Netflix, and television was something that started at around 6 p.m. and there were only two channels. So, what did we do to entertain ourselves?

Having a good conversation was the first thing Grapperhaus mentioned and that’s exactly what we did. I remember long evenings, sitting around with friends, philosophising about everything we could think of. We would discuss music and deconstruct a certain baseline, or comment on the sound quality of somebody’s loudspeakers. I guess me and my friends were a bunch of pedantic intellectuals, but we sure knew how to pass the time.

Reading loads of books was normal. For my final exam – and this part counted for only 10-15% of my final grade – I had to read 30 books for Dutch, 20 for English, 12 each for French and German and 6 for History. That’s 80 books in about 20 months, about one book a week. It did seem a bit much, but not outrageously so.

There has been one time in my life that I was in true lockdown. When I was around seven, I was locked in my room up in the attic for three days, only allowed out to use the bathroom. I was Rapunzel in her tower, but with hair that was too thin and short and no prince to save me. You might think that I had done something truly horrific to deserve this, but believe me, it is merely a reflection of the insane household I grew up in. So, what did I do to not go crazy? I did a lot of “niksen” (more on which later), I stared out the window, I day-dreamed, but above all, I read. As long as I had my books (which I hid under my pillow, lest they might take them away), I had a whole other world to live in. A big book of fairy tales was my favourite. I have no mementos, toys or trinkets left from those days, except that very book. The three days went by quicker than I expected.

The Dutch concept of “niksen” suddenly came back into vogue when Time Magazine published an article about it last year. Niksen literally means to do nothing, to be idle or doing something without any use or purpose. Pottering about. Eve Ekman from Berkeley University says “the research is strong when it comes to the benefits of slowing down, from emotional perks (like reducing anxiety) to physical advantages, like curtailing the aging process and strengthening the body’s ability to fight off the common cold.”  If “niksen” can help fight the cold, maybe it can also help fight off Covid-19! Allow yourself and your children to be bored. Plenty of studies show that boredom has a wide range of benefits. It sparks our creativity, makes us more inventive and also more altruistic. These are the characteristics we would like our kids to develop, aren’t they?

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Of course, there’s always Netflix. But might it not be nice to step away from consumerism for a change and allow ourselves to just be? So, I wish you all a pleasant weekend full of “lekker niksen”! The rat-race will resume soon enough.  

The Days of Lockdown - a tale of our times

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